12:20pm August 18, 2013

The attack of words comes and goes.

Sometimes they bombard me and I can’t even see past them. It’s like being encased in a fog that blots out all memory, all reality. And right now it’s more important than ever to be in contact with my senses. But it’s a fight.

If you try to drop away from stories and a story keeps standing up and punching you in the face no matter how many times you knock it down, you’ve got something different than a story. It’s more like a parasitic story, one that doesn’t originate inside you. And it needs more fighting than the average story, and different tactics.

And stories that come with fuzz attached ate more than just stories, too. But those stories gain more traction if you are trapped inside your own stories with no way of looking out and saying “hey wait, something is wrong”.

And that’s what I’m dealing with now. I’m fighting, I’ve been fighting this stuff for years. And I’m always gaining ground overall.  But right now it’s a difficult fight.  Even my dreams were full of fog and boredom. Boredom is another warning sign, not something I feel on my own. Reminds me of the men in grey and the talking doll (Momo reference).

So I’ll find clarity and be encased in fog for awhile and find clarity and be encased in fog again.  And the compulsion to run towards the fog again is hard to resist.

But I’ll d find my way out of this.  I have to.  No other choice is worth anything at all.     

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