7:50pm October 21, 2013

➸ Trying to find the right words: devilsmoon: madeofpatterns: sensory dependence is just as much of an...

madeofpatterns:

devilsmoon:

madeofpatterns:

sensory dependence is just as much of an access issue as sensory defensiveness

Yet we end up having to sacrifice that for others lot in mixed autistic space.

When there are competing access needs, stuff gets complicated. And sometimes it takes a lot of…

It often fees like that in the autistic spaces. I have to keep my voice down, not have my music loud, if I am bouncing or excited I have to ‘calm down’ We’re the ‘annoying’ ones the ‘manic’ ones our sensory needs are on the other end of the spectrum and we have to sacrifice our needs because it’s much more comfortable and accomodatable if the defensive people have those needs satiated. But fuck me if I want spin in circles and listen to heavy bass all day.

ugh I just have a lot of feelings about being the odd one out in the my ASAN meetings.

For me a bit one is…

When I get overloaded, my voice does things I have a hard time controlling. It squeals, meows, makes an assortment of noises, sometimes very sudden and intense ones. Sometimes it sings or hums or repeats words over and over, etc.

And… given that I’m both sensory seeking and sensory defensive, even I have trouble being around that.

But I’m far more comfortable in places that allow autistic people to be like that without making it sound like we’re making things horrible for other people.

If I’m in a place where I can easily and frequently hear the sounds of other autistic people’s voices doing things like that, then I feel far more at home and comfortable and safe than in a place where everyone’s expected to be dead quiet.

(Also for complicated reasons I feel more comfortable when I’m able to hear such things in general. It tells me I’m not in a place where everyone is nondisabled, in a way that not much else could rapidly tell me such a thing.)

I don’t like being in places where ‘having good boundaries’ is defined as 'the moment your involuntary actions are too much for someone else you’re doing something bad no matter why you’re doing it’.

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