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12:45pm December 3, 2013

realsocialskills:

Anonymous asked realsocialskills:
Do you think that reassurance-seeking is always a bad thing? Because some of your posts seem to imply it.
realsocialskills said:
I didn’t realize my posts sounded that way, but I see what you mean now that you point it out.
No, seeking reassurance isn’t always a bad thing. It can be really good to seek reassurance, and I think everyone needs to do that at least occasionally. If you are afraid that something is wrong, it’s ok to want to check. And it’s ok to do that with the expectation that things are probably ok and that you just need to hear it.
What’s bad is when people seek *unconditional* reassurance. When people seek unconditional reassurance, they want to be convinced that things are ok at all costs - even if things are horribly wrong. That’s dangerous, and destructive. (And particularly dangerous if the thing that’s wrong is the result of something they’re going, but it’s destructive even when the problem is in no way their fault).

Notes:
  1. redflagarchives reblogged this from redflagarchives and added:
    (tw: sexual slavery, bdsm maybe?) This reminded me of something my ex abuser did to me. We were discussing sex and the...
  2. to-adelaide reblogged this from realsocialskills and added:
    Bolding mine.
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  8. libraryalexandria reblogged this from charadesarchive
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  11. sapphicrefuse reblogged this from missvoltairine
  12. torukun1 reblogged this from missvoltairine
  13. cursorially reblogged this from wattleandgum and added:
    uuuuuuuuuuuurgh this this this yes very yes cannot deal with people who seek constant unconditional reassurance as a way...
  14. slashmarks reblogged this from realsocialskills and added:
    Lack of self esteem and emotional abuse/the emotional effects of abuse IME. Unfortunately I still can’t fix it entirely....
  15. nineprotons reblogged this from twisterwitch
  16. twisterwitch reblogged this from missvoltairine
  17. wattleandgum reblogged this from missvoltairine
  18. missvoltairine reblogged this from redflagarchives and added:
    People can also seek reassurance in really manipulative and destructive ways. Asking for reassurance in clear, specific...
  19. feliscorvus reblogged this from realsocialskills and added:
    I can’t speak for anyone else, but in my case…sometimes what looks/feels like a “needs reassurance” problem is actually...
  20. lonelyapron reblogged this from thenkeepgoing
  21. bessibel reblogged this from realsocialskills