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2:21pm December 9, 2013

madeofpatterns:

Some days I think I’d be willing to be cured just to *make this stop*. This is too heavy. Too much hate.

Ugh I know what you mean.

Also, I don’t know if this is related or not, but

Back when people started saying I was a fraud. I developed this fear, not sure if it was rational or not. That if people really believed them. Then I would be expected to do things I could not in a million years ever do. And then punished for not being able to do them.

Which brought on horrible flashbacks to institutional settings where people did expect what I couldn’t do and then get in my face and mock me for my inability to do it, saying that of course I could do it if I really wanted to, and sometimes withheld things I badly needed because I couldn’t do what they were demanding of me.

And I think that sort of thing is somehow tied to what you’re talking about but I can’t explain how.