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11:32pm December 19, 2013

madeofpatterns:

Trying to make an I-statements page, for the sake of dealing with people who dump on you for not using them.

But I don’t actually know how those people want me to talk.

Do any of y’all?

I’m not sure if this is what you mean.

But when I was taught to “use I-statements”, they meant this really obnoxious formulation of “When you do _________, I feel _______.”  Instead of “You’re ___________.”

That’s really obnoxious though in a whole lot of ways.  Not least, that I’ve seen “When you do __________, I feel ___________” used in some of the most manipulative ways I have ever seen communication done.  Also, it takes the power away from the person talking this way, and as such it’s advocated on purpose by people who want power over you.

Notes:
  1. ivanov94 reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone and added:
    I don’t like i-statements eather. They make interaction even more difficult
  2. felixrocketship reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone and added:
    They can be helpful in the context of relationships when you want to work on stating things without making accusations,...
  3. withasmoothroundstone reblogged this from madeofpatterns and added:
    I don’t know how to defend myself either. I tend to do so in ways that are really ineffectual, if I can do so at all....
  4. isabelknight said: In a way that absolves them of all resposibility for wrongdoing or harm, I’d imagine. :/
  5. mmmyoursquid said: I might be able to elaborate on this tomorrow
  6. slashmarks said: I can usually rephrase things if you tell me what you think you’ll need to say?
  7. madeofpatterns posted this