as small as a world and as large as alone

11:46pm December 19, 2013

madeofpatterns:

youneedacat:

madeofpatterns:

Trying to make an I-statements page, for the sake of dealing with people who dump on you for not using them.

But I don’t actually know how those people want me to talk.

Do any of y’all?

I’m not sure if this is what you mean.

But when I was taught to “use I-statements”, they meant this really obnoxious formulation of “When you do _________, I feel _______.”  Instead of “You’re ___________.”

That’s really obnoxious though in a whole lot of ways.  Not least, that I’ve seen “When you do __________, I feel ___________” used in some of the most manipulative ways I have ever seen communication done.  Also, it takes the power away from the person talking this way, and as such it’s advocated on purpose by people who want power over you.

Yes, they’re horrifying and manipulative and they’re being used to hurt me.

And I don’t have the tools to defend myself.

So I’m trying to get some.

I can see what they’re doing but people who are really aggressive with I-statement ideology and have power can render me completely unable to communicate. 

And I’m trying to stop them from being able to do that.

I don’t know how to defend myself either.  I tend to do so in ways that are really ineffectual, if I can do so at all.  And I’m also rendered incapable of communication in those situations.

Sometimes I’m really tempted to go “When you use I-statements in an aggressive manner, I feel powerless and helpless and like I’m being manipulated by you.”  But that not only wouldn’t go over well, but wouldn't work.

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