10:28pm February 22, 2014

Dexamethasone is good.

It’s really causing a lot of side-effects, insomnia being the worst, lots of jitters and anxiety too. And I’m unusually chattery. And yet, so far they’re outweighed by a feeling that I’m sturdy. I haven’t felt sturdy in years. I feel sturdy and energetic. Normally I feel so low energy that it feels like it could get dangerous at any time if I overdid it. As indeed it does get. So much feels better that even feeling like shit from side-effects, so far, is tolerable.

I also don’t know how much is permanent side-effects, and how much is just getting used to having cortisol in my system again at any appreciable amount. (My reading was less than 1 before.) I also worry that this is just the beginning, and that the side-effects will only get worse. Time will tell.

Now I have to really try to sleep. I tried a desperate measure and took a med I’m allowed to take (but never need to) if anxiety prevents sleeping. Now I have to go try and sleep. However, I’m not sure how much hope I have: Normally most of my meds are heavily sedating. Today, no sedation at all. Which is a good thing overall, but on the other hand if I don’t sleep I’ll be sicker.