as small as a world and as large as alone

12:03am March 8, 2014

clatterbane:

lichgem:

hoffmango:

cause-shes-bittersweet:

smindersonfan:

secretmindreader:

Okay, this is actually what you do if you’re being sexually harassed in any kind of public space. Draw attention to it, preferably pull away and let EVERYONE know that someone is touching you. This will not only get him to get off you but he’ll definitely think about this situation next time he wants to do something like this.

Spreading the word.

My mom and I were talking aboutdoingrtoday after hearing about a woman who was molested on a plane who said nothing until she was picked up at the airport by her parents. My mom looked at me and asked what I would do in that situation and I looked her dead in the eye and I told her “it would take me .02 seconds to realize what was going on and yell angrily, and then I would be straight on to bitch slapping him so hard he wouldn’t be able to see the punch I’d throw with the opposite hand”.

She nodded and accepted my salty language like a seasoned sailor.

I’ve had experience with this before, in Prague a group of five girls and I were followed by three men at night. After a while they started yelling at us, the most common being “how much?” Meaning how much we “cost” as prostitutes. Seeing as they weren’t going to stop, I turned on my heel, faced them (which surprised them), spat at their feet and responded with “You couldn’t afford me.” This prompted the other girls to start yelling back at them as well, starting with our spitfire Czech friend to start slinging curses in Czech as she and the rest of the girls came up beside me. Needless to say the men backed off and pretty much fled. They weren’t expecting a fight. It empowered me and encouraged the rest of the girls to yell back too.

I’ve heard that a lot of people don’t know what to do in this situation because they’ve been taught all their lives to be polite and non-aggressive. Keep your heads down or whatever.

Keep in mind that studies have shown that rapists look for victims who won’t fight back.

Remember that nobody has the right to touch you without your consent or harass you, and you have all the right to make the biggest fuss about it that you can possibly make.

Get angry. Be in command.

FUCKING RELEVANT

Sometimes that doesn’t work, though. Sometimes fighting back enrages them instead of scaring them. I don’t want to discourage anyone, but I feel like people should know that while awesome things can happen when they stand up for themselves, sometimes things go south very badly instead. And when a woman raises her voice in public, the first thing bystanders are going to think is, “What the fuck is her problem?” Rape culture at work in the heads of people witnessing the situation doesn’t go away just because you’re a courageous badass full of fire and fury. The crowd might turn on you in that moment- decide you’re just a psycho bitch instead of someone reacting to harassment.

I’m sorry. I really don’t want to be a downer. I want women to feel like there’s SOMETHING they can do in these situations. But when we’re taught that we should be quiet and keep our heads down, we’re taught that by violence itself, and there always people willing to repeat that lesson in case we didn’t get it well enough as children.

I suppose, in summary, that I want to promote this information with the added caveat that standing up for yourself does have RISKS.

This.

I was actually socialized pretty differently, and I can tell you for a fact that some people WILL turn extremely hostile if you do not react the way they expect you to react. Especially when some weird bullying dominance trip is the main point of what they are doing, in the first place. Like it inevitably is with sexual harassment. Sometimes they can turn dangerous, and as pointed out, you can’t always count on backup from other people who are there if you are not following their mental scripts about how things should work. You may indeed turn into some crazy bitch who is creating whatever problem there might be.

Definitely *not* saying that nobody should ever openly stand up for themselves, but you are in no way under any obligation to do so. As always, it’s important to judge the situation and whether you can handle any OTT aggressive responses you might encounter. And look out for your safety in any way you can. Because that’s what really matters.

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