as small as a world and as large as alone, some-of-the-patterns: matociquala: It’s all...

11:13am April 11, 2014

matociquala:

It’s all well and good to say we’re not going to give people “cookies” for behaving decently, and please don’t think I’m saying it’s anyone’s job and calling to go around praising men for showing a crumb of empathy and compassion—or even just recognition—to women, or straight folks to queer folks, or cis folks to trans folks, or white folks to people of color, or able folks to those with special needs.

But, conversely, let’s also remember something that anybody who has socialized an animal or a child knows: if you only pay attention to bad behavior, pretty soon bad behavior is all you’re going to get.

We reward the behavior we want to see.

And while we’re at it, let’s each look at the problems we have our own selves with acknowledging the contributions of members of disenfranchised groups.

We all know the phenomenon where, when a woman says something (be it about equality or something else), it falls under the radar—but let a man say the same thing, and it’s repeated ten thousand times.

Whatever it is, it’s always more valid if a man says it, if a white person says it, if a straight person says it, if a cis person says it, if an able person says it.

Let’s share the wealth and credit around, shall we? It’s probably not actually possible to acknowledge everyone’s efforts. But it’s possible to try.

There is a difference between men who use feminism as a validation trap to manipulate women with, and men who are actually doing the work and should have it acknowledged.

There’s also the difference between trying tbut not being very good at it yet, and not giving a damn but pretending to in order to manipulate people.

I will have so much patience and kindness for someone who is trying but doesn’t understand well yet and makes mistakes that hurt people. Because that’s *all* of us at some point or other.

But people who don’t give a damn and just want me to validate them as good people so they don’t have to face harm they’re doing - those people get no slack from me. I don’t go out of my way to attack them or anything, but I also don’t give a damn how they feel becuase I *can’t afford to*.