1:48pm April 11, 2014

I just sat down with my case manager and wrote down all of my automatic payments and stuff.

I’ve been having an awful problem with money lately.

What happens is I see the amount of money in my bank account.  And then nothing at all will convince me that I don't have all the money I see.  Like I’ll understand it intellectually.  But on some deeper level, nothing will convince me that like, if it says $200, I actually really have $50 because of bills that haven’t gone through yet.  I don’t understand why this is such a hard concept for me to grasp.

And I know that dexamethasone can cause impulsiveness, so I’ve been worried about impulsive spending getting worse.  I mostly spend money on yarn and things like that.  But I don’t want to spend money I don’t have. 

I’ve had some really close calls in the past few month where I end up with $5 or something at the end of the month and am sitting there praying that I don’t go in the hole.  So far I’ve gotten lucky.  I’m very worried about this month because I made a huge purchase.

Is this cognitive problem an autistic thing, or something else?  It’s like I’ll look at my balance, and if it says $400, then I’ll assume I have $400 to spend.  I also have a problem where if I get $100 extra (like through renter’s rebate), then I’ll think I can spend $100 as many times as I want to.  Neither of these things make intellectual sense but they happen to me a lot.  The only reason I’m not in more debt than I am is because I’m very lucky.  (My only debt is a medical bill that I’ll never in my entire life be able to pay.)

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