Theme
4:21am May 1, 2014

I think part of the thing getting to me.

Is that you can’t live with the knowledge that your lifespan is likely to be drastically reduced, and then see death getting closer and closer.  And then, when pulled out of the way of death, and put in a position where you might easily live to be eighty, suddenly be fine and normal and everything’s okay.  (Which, yes, does remind me of stuff Harriet Johnson has said.  Although her experience was different because she was expecting to die young from the time she was five years old.)

And also it’s very hard for me to break out of this programming that tells me that to even talk about how bad it was is to be overly dramatic and worry people and I shouldn’t do that.  Like the only reason I can talk about it right now, to the extent that I have, is that it’s better.  If things got that bad again I’m not sure I could publicly state how bad they were, unless they got better again.

And I’m not even sure that makes sense.