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8:43pm May 13, 2014

One thing “The Fault In Our Stars” got right.

That feeling like you’re going to be a destructive force in your family, if you die before they do.  That feeling like you have to protect people around you from your impending death, more than you have to protect yourself.  You might have even made as much peace with your own death as you can.  But you know when you die, you’re going to devastate your friends, your family, and anyone else who loves you.

I can’t explain how happy I’ve been to be able to tell my family, “You don’t have to worry about me anymore now that I’m on steroids.”  It’s not that there’s totally nothing to worry about.  It’s just that my death isn’t imminent anymore, and that’s huge.  My parents have their own health problems and they need to be worrying about themselves, not about me.  I’m just glad I’ve gotten this reprieve and I want to make the most of it.

But that scene where Hazel says, “I’m a grenade and at some point I’m going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?”

Too close to home.