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5:50am May 22, 2014
Anonymous asked: I'm thankful you (as well as a few other people) say things about the pronoun problem. My pronouns are all in the same box too and sometimes my brain pulls the wrong one. Luckily I usually have enough to identify WRONG WRONG before it actually comes out but it's still something I slip up on. It's still always a conscious effort even with cis people.

audiencecat:

the-real-seebs:

withasmoothroundstone:

Yeah.  I frequently mess up on pronouns in general, and I do worry about really hurting someone for whom pronouns are a big deal.  I’ve done other things with words that really offended people before too, but I can’t remember what they were — but they were exactly like the pronoun thing, it was just the wrong words or the wrong inflection popped out.

Like “I’m not laughing at YOU” was what I meant to say, but instead said “I’m not laughing AT you” and nothing I could say could convince the person I wasn’t trying to be really offensive.

But pronouns, serious problem.  Pronouns been serious problem since childhood, in fact pronouns as serious problem may even be in the DSM criteria sometimes.

Oh, geeze. I hate when people do that “oh, you definitely meant X” thing. No, I didn’t. If I said something wrong, and then I tell you what I meant, that’s because the correction is more accurate. I have lost two or three people I considered friends over things like that, and at least two of them, I still have no idea at all what they thought was offensive.

I have gotten in trouble so, so much throughout my whole life because of my “tone of voice” being offensive. I just. That is my normal voice. I wasn’t aware it changed? Maybe it not changing was offensive? Maybe it changed the wrong was? Do you mean my wording was offensive? Or the fluctuation in tone? Or the way I looked when I said the thing?

I no longer speak, but I still get in trouble for having offensive body language (or lack thereof), or the tone my fingers make on the keyboard as I type, or things like that.  But yes, I used to get crap for tone of voice all the time.