as small as a world and as large as alone, lichgem: youneedacat: lichgem: People who...

9:09pm May 24, 2014

youneedacat:

lichgem:

People who get enough money to live off of think of so many things as “luxury items” that they would never personally do without themselves if they didn’t have to, I swear to god

Like Fox news was ASTOUNDED that poor people have fridges, because obviously we should all be eating tins of beans cooked over campfires, which is the economical choice

My internet isn’t a fun toy, though it can be that. It’s my connection to the world. I don’t have anything more than an extremely tenuous support system locally, one that keeps reminding me it’s going to cut me off soon.

I don’t know why I should bother explaining, because people don’t KNOW that people with my living situation exist, so they’re going to just try to explain to me how it’s so easy to just not have the life that I have.

And if you dropped Internet, you wouldn’t be able to raise the funds you need.

And if you dropped Internet, you would be significantly more unsafe if something bad happened to you in the programs you’re in.

The Internet is not optional for a lot of people and anyone who treats it as if it is, doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

Plus if I had the $30 more a month that I spend on Internet, it would not affect my ability to buy food that much, if I needed to buy food. It really doesn’t make such a huge difference.

Plus social isolation can kill people, especially people who are already isolated. The Internet is the only place many of us can easily socialize.

There’s just so much wrong. And you should not have to justify a damn thing.

Thank you so much.

Every time I have to deal with someone saying this, I feel the double bind start wrapping around my brain. Because I know every explanation I give will be shot down, or used against me. Because the type of life I live is so far off the radar that most people can’t even imagine that it’s a real thing.

People don’t know about the room and boards, which are private run housing situations, which means that the manager can micromanage every aspect of the tentants’ lives, and subject their tenants to abuse without repercussions, and overwhelmingly this is where mentally ill people end up. And that’s where I was living before I got my apartment, with help from local mental health programs.

I almost didn’t survive the room and boards. I was assaulted there, I was bullied and abused constantly, I was threatened with eviction over every minor thing, I had people come into my room and look through my papers and touch my things, I had people eavesdrop on my cell phone conversations and then later get another eviction threat for talking bad about the manager on the phone.

I really, really don’t want to lose the things I now have, because I don’t know what will happen to me if I do. I might end up in a shelter, or my dad might decide to try to put me in a long term mental institution.

I can reliably leave the house once a week. But even when I can manage that, it’s because my program gave me a bus pass. I can’t afford transportation on my own.

My mental health program is a double edged sword in itself- it helps me with resources, but it also harasses me and threatens me a lot, too. And it has the power of taking away everything I now have.

I don’t have local friends, and my dad is supporting me, but he keeps telling me he’s going to cut me off soon. He’s giving me an extremely small amount of money a month.

I have been trying to get on Disability for years. It’s not that easy. They reject most applicants no matter how obviously disabled we are. My mom’s boyfriend’s brother had a stroke and half of his body was paralyzed, and Disability still rejected him. He finally got on it, with help from a lawyer, and died eight months afterward.

The last time I applied for Disability, their VERY OWN psychological evaluator that they assigned to me was baffled that I wasn’t on it already, because my mental health history is so extensive.

I’m really dangling by a thread here. And it really sucks, because I only need a tiny bit to get by, and even that much, I’m losing.

I didn’t want to write all this in the asking for help post because I didn’t want to deal with people saying “if you’re really disabled, how come you can type?” and other hurtful things, that would be 100x more triggering than the “just cut your internet” responses I keep getting.