as small as a world and as large as alone, Do you have any advice for surviving/resisting...

4:25pm May 27, 2014

Anonymous asked: Do you have any advice for surviving/resisting manipulative psychotherapy?

lichgem:

youneedacat:

kelpforestdweller:

withasmoothroundstone:

For surviving it, mostly replacing the things they’ve put into your head, with new things that you and people you trust put into your head. So that every time a thought created by them comes up, you have a thought created by you that counteracts it. It also helped me to learn how to stop unwanted thoughts.

For resisting it as it’s happening, I don’t have good advice. The best thing I did was get away from them.

How do you find a therapist or counsellor who’s going to be helpful not manipulative? I find it difficult to spot subtle manipulation and it gets especially complex when it comes to seeking out someone to help with things I’m confused and distressed and struggle to communicate about. I don’t want someone who’s going to try to shoehorn me into psychology’s models.

I’ve never found one, it’s one of many reasons I am not and will probably never be in therapy.

@kelpforestdweller: Your minority status can be a factor in how easy it is to find a therapist who won’t abuse you. Some neuroatypical people who are not disabled and don’t have language or cognitive problems, or can pass at not having them, do really well in therapy.

But even if you pass as neurotypical, there are still a lot of ableist and abusive therapists out there.

One thing to watch out for is if their resume has a big, big list of things they say they have experience with. That’s just them trying to attract clients. They’re most likely not being honest. On that note, it helps to find therapists who specialize in what you need help with. With the caveat that therapists who specialize in especially stigmatized diagnoses are more likely to be abusive. (Therapists who work with autistic people, or BPD people, for instance.)

Another way to tell is if your therapist doesn’t listen to you about what you want to work on, how you want to approach your problems, or otherwise discounts your thoughts about anything. A good therapist recognizes that even if you’re wrong about something, it’s not their job to just tell you what to do. I think that’s incredibly important- if you’re wrong about something, they won’t expect you to just defer to their judgment. They’ll invite you to think about things, but they won’t try to just get you to drop something just because they think you’re wrong.

Back when I was actively seeking therapy, I had two therapists in a row automatically discount information I gave them about my disability. I told them I have avolition, and they immediately said, “I don’t think you do. I think you… (inserts analytical explanation of a behavior).” That’s a red flag.

I had a therapist who I was trying to work with on sexual trauma, and she DEFENDED A RAPIST. If that happens, you need to get out as soon as possible.

In general, it’s incredibly important to trust your own judgment. Your therapist should not be introducing any ideologies or systems of thinking to you and expecting you to just follow along. A good therapist understands you’re a person, with your own system of beliefs and ways of dealing with the world, and will work with you from there, and will ONLY work with you on things that you decide you want to work on. For instance, if you say, “I want to work on my anxiety,” your therapist should NOT say, “I don’t think you have an anxiety problem. Instead, I think you have an anger problem. Let’s work on that.”

Remember to view it this way: You are paying for a service. You call the shots. Your therapist should not be an authority figure, but a service provider.

Also never blame yourself if you can’t find a good therapist.

One of the big things people who’ve been repeatedly abused in therapy get told is basically “You found the bad apples, if you quit looking then it’s your own fault, you don’t want to get better.”

So if you ever come to the point where you just can’t, it’s not your fault.

And if you get abused over and over, it’s not your fault.

There are a lot of things about therapy that lend themselves to abusiveness. It can be really hard to find someone good, and it’s usually at least half a matter of luck. Don’t ever blame yourself if things go badly wrong.

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