3:53am May 31, 2014

What I want, more than anything.

Is for each individual person in the world to be able to be who they are, to the best of their ability. Everyone. No exceptions. Because each person has this one, unique little place in the world that fits them perfectly. And that place, when you find it, it feels like love, and it feels like home, and it feels so familiar you wonder how you never saw it before. I want everyone to be able to have that experience. I want everyone to be able to come out of that experience prepared to be who they are, in the most deeply fundamental way possible.

Each person is built differently. Each person has very different strengths and weaknesses. Each person has things they were made to be, things they were made to do, and that goes whether or not they were made at all. And finding out who you were made to be, and what you were made to do, is the most any of us can do, for ourselves or the world.

Sometimes it’s confusing. I grew up being told – by virtually everyone – that my strengths were in an area that was not actually an area of strength for me, that my abilities were completely different than they were, and that I would only be valued insofar as I performed in certain ways. This led me to attempt suicide multiple times when I could not be what I was told I was supposed to be. But the thing is, I never was that person. I never was who they saw in me. I was someone completely different, and I had to discover that for myself.

There are lots of people like me, who have been told we are one thing when we are actually something else. There are lots of people like me, who have been told we are worthless unless we can become something we were never meant to be. But we always have a thing we can be. And we always have a value that never goes away no matter what abilities we have, or what abilities we lose, over time.

Who we are goes deeper than abilities. It’s the entire way we are configured, down at the core. It is the shape of that one place in the world that works for us. It’s going to Professor Hora’s place outside of time and sleeping there until we are ready. It’s things that we may not be able to see, even in ourselves.

But each of us has something, many things, about them that make them who they are. And each of us has an exact, precise place in the world, and each one differs based on the person.

And this isn’t some kind of fairytale myth. And it’s not light and fluffy, it’s as hard as steel at the core. This is real, and when it works, when someone finds even slightly where in the world they fit, it’s the most beautiful thing you can imagine. And it only works if people understand we’re supposed to be different from each other, not clones of each other. One person’s perfect fit is another person’s nightmare scenario. But when you do find how you fit into the world, it is almost magical.

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