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3:44am June 3, 2014

patternsmaybe:

If putting your hand on someone’s back enables them to communicate, it also gives you tremendous power over them. Don’t say facilitator influence isn’t a thing just because people claim FC isn’t a thing

I sometimes need that kind of support.  FC is real.  And so is influence.  And the influence can be very subtle.  

What I never hear talked about:

It’s not just that they can influence what you do say.

It’s that they can influence what you don’t say.  They can, through extremely subtle movements, make it clear that they didn’t expect you to say something, or worse that they don’t want you to say something.  And they can be totally unconscious of doing that.  And for someone as susceptible to such things as anyone who needs FC for any reason is going to be, then that’s going to crop up unless you’ve got someone amazingly well-trained at not doing that.

Unfortunately I’ve been in a lot of FC situations where there were people who could influence me across a room, or even people who could influence me through the Internet, and these were people who were facilitating at close range with other people.  It made me extremely uneasy.  It doesn’t mean that the people aren’t communicating, but influence is tricky to discern.  Some FC users have clamored to learn to be more and more independent because the more independent they get, the less influence they have to deal with.  Sue Rubin talks about how the facilitators thoughts interfere with her own, and I believe her, because I’ve experienced that.