9:07am June 3, 2014

I think that I think in feelings.

That sounds kind of weird, so let me explain; I don’t think in emotional states, and I don’t think in pictures, or words, or voices. I just think in feelings as a medium.

I feel when something is logically correct for example, it falls into place and I understand the pattern and anything illogical jars. With desires it is the same I feel a need for a particular taste or texture, and I will experience a less heightened version of said taste of texture in my head and in doing so can test if I want to actually experience IRL.

My social memory is a collection of textures, tastes and visceral reactions like fear.

My factual memory is a pattern recognition tool, I don’t remember as such it just feels like muscle memory. Maths feels like playing ukulele, because it is the same process- just a different expression of pattern. Stage performance feels like drawing, it’s just a different expression of pattern and I just do these things, they get written into my system like computer code and when I experience a certain output then they happen.

When I remember images, I feel the colour response and sort those feelings into a coherent whole. With incidents there is just more to sort, like noise, or whatever. Photographic, but only photographic of my own particular, non filtered, confusing reality.

How I communicate with myself is … less verbal, more like prodding or deafblind sign language. It is tactile, and taste and complex.

I can remember quotes, formulae, what have you with precision because they run like mantras and come automatically when needed.

So, yeah- I think in feeling. Not in words, pictures, or whatever. I think in fundamental response and muscle memory.

All of that sounds fairly familiar. I don’t know if it’s exactly how I do things, but it has similarities to how I do things, only I’ve never heard it described quite how that way before.

Notes: