8:35pm June 4, 2014

Being a young Hufflepuff was extremely upsetting.

One of the biggest ways it manifested was in caring too much.

Dave Hingsburger says that people say Astra Milberg, a self-advocate with Down syndrome, cares too much. At a conference, she found out that people sometimes died in institutions. She had assumed everyone got set free before they died. So she went out into the hallway and cried her eyes out. Dave suggested that maybe if more people cared that much, more would get done.

But it doesn’t feel like a good thing.

Not when you’re a child who’s been taught crying is for babies. And you cry at every little thing. You cry when you hurt. You cry when other people are hurt. You feel things other people are feeling. You don’t seem to have walls. Everything gets in, everything can hurt you.

Many of the things that make me into such a good Hufflepuff are sources of extreme shame throughout much of my life, especially childhood.

That’s why I said the other day… when I write about how good certain things are, it’s because I’ve spent my entire life being told they’re bad. I’ve spent my whole life being told to just get over my Hufflepuff traits. To stop caring, to stop wanting fairness, to stop thinking that people could ever cooperate or get along. These things were stupid, and childish.

And when I was sorted to Hufflepuff, I kind of already knew I was a Hufflepuff, and on one level I was like “wow, finally a place for me as who I am, not who people want me to be.” And on another level I was ashamed that I couldn’t be the clever Ravenclaw everyone had always wanted me to be, or the brave Gryffindor I sometimes wish I was. But I knew deep down I’m Hufflepuff to the core.

When I celebrate traits of Hufflepuff, I’m trying to tell myself it’s alright to be someone like me. I’m not trying to say it’s wrong to be someone else. Hufflepuff isn’t like the houses that have a really strong thing they do – at least not at first glance. But we’re just as worthwhile as everyone else, and there’s nothing wrong with getting into the details of what we can contribute to the world.

Notes: