as small as a world and as large as alone

1:58am June 6, 2014

wellitsheart:

sickgirlswag:

No, I’m not okay, or ‘cured’, I just don’t let you see my pain anymore.

SOMETIMES i can hide it very well. that does NOT mean i’m not in pain. when you have chronic pain, you get used to the pain, and you can hide it, but it’s still there. that’s part of having an ”invisible illness”. or any chronic pain illness, really.

I really hate trying to explain my pain, even to doctors.  I get so good at hiding it even from myself, I have tons and tons of cognitive strategies… I once laughed at a guy who said he could send me to a shrink to teach me ways of dealing with pain.  I told him he ought to be paying me to teach the shrink.  I’ve had neuropathic or central pain (not sure which) my entire life that I can remember.  Pain is one of my first memories.  I wasn’t treated until I was about 20.  So don’t tell me I don’t know how to deal with pain, holy crap.  

I may not talk about my pain often but it’s always, always, there.  I have trigeminal neuralgia, migraines, joint hypermobility syndrome, various specific joints or nerves that are damaged or deformed, and some kind of neuropathic or central pain, not to mention gut pain and all these things combining together in various ways.  And that’s just what I remember.  So don’t do “Where does it hurt today?” and don’t ever assume I’m not in pain.  And kind of figure that if I give you a number, then the actual number of my pain is probably higher.

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