as small as a world and as large as alone

3:06am June 6, 2014

genoshaisforlovers:

My grandfather called to wish me a happy birthday

And he told me once again how he and my grandmother think I’ll be so happy when I die so I can walk in heaven

If you ever wonder why disabled people get murdered by their family and friends so often remember this: If constant sitting is enough to make grandparents pray for the death of their grandchild imagine if they knew of any of the real struggles we deal with.

I often meet people who feel the need to tell me about their disabled brother, sister, or cousin.

Often, this ends with “But don’t worry.  Her suffering is over.  She’s in heaven now.”

And I want to punch them in the face and they don’t understand how I could possibly become so hostile so quickly.

And yes these murders actually happen where people think it will be better for us when we’re dead.  Sometimes it’s because of their religious beliefs.  But sometimes it’s just because they think that even oblivion is better than disability.  

And we are at risk not only from our family but from our caregivers.  I could have a caregiver come in tomorrow who sees how much pain I’m in and decides to relieve me of this pain.  (I’m in a lot of pain.  I don’t wish to be relieved of it in that manner.)  You never know.  It happens all the time.

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