11:08am June 7, 2014

“

I learned, too, that when people look at me as so different that they want to feel pity, I can probably get anything I want out of them. I can manipulate the hell out of them.

While they see me as weak and unable - well, I’m not. I can come on strong and capable when they’re staring at my wheelchair and my respirator and feeling entirely sorry for me. I can use that, tactically. It’s a very powerful tool and it’s something we should teach people to use in practical ways.

I learned this, interestingly enough, from the women’s movement. I watched women in the self-support groups [consciousness-raising groups] in Berkeley teaching each other how to manipulate the stereotypes of weakness in women. And I thought, ‘Wow! That could work real well for disability.’ I began to use it tactically.

You see a lot of people who take that role as part of their whole life. That’s a whole different thing. When you use that sick role all the time, it’s toxic.

Parents may see their disabled kids try to manipulate them. The kids may not be aware of doing it, but there’s always a very natural tendency. Hopefully, we can recognize it, and encourage people to use that for a tactic, but also be clear with them about what’s going on there.

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