8:49pm June 11, 2014

There is one thing that I am grateful for more than anything else, about the adrenal insufficiency.

My grandmother is facing her possible death. My mother is facing her possible death. My father is facing his possible death.

All these years recently, my family has had to worry about whether they’re going to lose me, on top of all of this.

But now that I’m on dexamethasone, I feel like I can tell my family, as much as anyone can be sure of anything: You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m fine now. Worry about yourselves. Concentrate on yourselves.

And it’s such a relief to be able to say that to them when they’re dealing with crises of their own every day. It feels like the best thing I can give them right now, is the assurance that whatever may happens to them, they don’t have to worry about their kid dying, at least not right now.

And it means a lot to me to be able to give that kind of assurance. Because until now, I couldn’t. And with the dexamethasone and the vastly increased lifespan it brings, it feels like I’m giving them a gift in a way. The gift of not having to worry about their child’s mortality at the same time as worrying about their own. Which sounds like a little, but I’m sure to every family who’s ever had to worry about such things knows how huge this thing is that I’m now able to give them.

And I’m not trying to put down anyone who isn’t able to reassure their families in this way. I couldn’t, until I got lucky and got diagnosed with something highly treatable. But I feel that luck so much right now, like this is something I can actually give my parents that I couldn’t before. Right now, at this point in time, I can give them this, and that means the world.

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