as small as a world and as large as alone

7:53am June 15, 2014

youneedacat:

I finally found this hat!  I’ve had it since I lived in the redwoods last, but it’s very difficult to wear a hat this style on a wheelchair that has a headrest.  But I can wear it again now.  It’s got a wide brim and jay feathers (found on the ground).

I love wearing brimmed hats because they cut my visual field in half, which is really good if you’re prone to visual overload and have really good peripheral vision.  Sometimes I wish I could just wear blinders like a horse has so I could only see what was right in front of me, or less.

Also hats have sentimental value to me.  One of my favorite childhood memories is my dad’s hats.  I remember that his idea of getting dressed up for a meeting with my school or something, was to wear the same clothes as always, but put his hat on.  And I still feel like putting a hat on has a special meaning like that, it means you’re serious about something.  (Among many other possible meanings, too many to list.)  I may have to take up that family tradition myself — always wear my hat when it’s something important.

I wonder if hats ever help my father with visual overload, or if he just likes them.  He is autistic, after all.  And a lot of autistic people I know like hats for similar reasons.

To me, though, a hat also just feels good, and having one really good hat, with feathers that mean something to me, reminds me of everything I love about my father.

My dad mentioned this post when we talked today.  At least, I think this is the post he was referring to, he said I’d blogged about hats and he had something he wanted to say about it eventually.  I think that now I will always have to have a good hat, because it will always remind me of my father.

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