as small as a world and as large as alone, I talked to my dad today. I actually talked to my...

1:46pm June 15, 2014

I talked to my dad today.

I actually talked to my dad today, too.

Occasionally, if I push myself really really hard, I can do minimal, tiny amounts of speech, for minimal, tiny amounts of time, on just the right occasions, when all the stars align and I have the energy to push myself really hard. I knew it would mean the world to him, so I said, “I love you Ron.” Out loud. He cried. I told him not to ever expect any more speech than that, but I knew what it meant to him, so I did it.

I’m really happy any time I get the chance to Skype with him now.

He was able to eat a tiny bit today, and so he had a bit more energy, and I’m really glad about that. But he was still pretty worn out by the end of the conversation.

It’s becoming easier and easier just to love him. I’m feeling less frantic. And I have anxiety meds now for when I do feel frantic. But I’m more confident now that whatever happens, we’ll all manage to handle it, somehow.

I don’t understand why my voice means so much to my parents. But it’s Father’s Day, and I felt like I don’t need to understand. I could just give him the one Father’s Day present I could give him, which is to say “I love you” out loud with my own voice. He said it’s the best thing in ten years. I don’t understand, I may never understand, but I don’t have to, it’s an expression of love, it matters to him a good deal, that’s all that matters.

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