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4:14pm June 17, 2014

My mouth does weird things sometimes.

Right now I’ve been wandering around the house listening to my mouth say “FUCKdamnFUCKdamnFUCKdamnFUCKdamn” but in this very detached way that has very little to do with what I’m actually feeling.  (And the “fuck” sounds more like pulling the plug out of a drain or something, than an actual word.)  

Usually I can suppress things like this, so I assume this is stress-related.  I’ve just taken some anxiety meds to see if that will help at all.

(Not sure if I’ve told people, but basically my mouth has a mind of its own and rarely says anything related to what I’m thinking.  I’ve had two times in the past ten years or so when I could talk and have it mean what I was thinking, one lasted a couple days, the other lasted hours.  When I try very very hard, and practice at it, I can sometimes make myself say very short things, but only when everything is working right.  Most of the time, if something comes out of my mouth the best thing to do is ignore it.  Because it’s either not what I’m thinking at all, or only tangentially related in a way that would be more confusing than illuminating.)