Theme
7:40am June 18, 2014

Avatar change.

twocentsormore:

I’ve changed a lot since I first made this Tumblr.  Mostly in ways that I didn’t talk about because they were private to me.

At the time, my avatar reflected how I felt trying to be on Tumblr- a scared, wide-eyed cat hiding under something and just peeking my head out.  I was terrified of all of this stuff.  I was terrified because I couldn’t write in all the right academic language and ideologies, and how I saw people assumed to be “guilty until proven innocent,” if they couldn’t use the right language and someone took the worst possible interpretation of it.  

There has always been something at the core of me that resists taking crap from anyone, and letting other people force their ideas of me into my brain.  There was a time when I had a grasp on that, in childhood.  But it was ripped away from me methodically over the years and I wasn’t anywhere nearly as bad as I used to be about it, but I was still freaking out over whether I was “being good” two years ago.

Finding people who think like me, about this stuff, has helped.  A lot. It’s helped me re-find and strengthen the part of me that didn’t take crap from anyone, in childhood.

So now my avatar is a thoughtful-looking feral cat with an “I don’t take crap from anyone” kind of attitude.  It makes me feel better to see it there when I pull up my dashboard.

Congratulations!  I’ve been changing a lot in similar ways.  It’s part of what I mean when I talk about finding my own fire again.  It’s like it was always there, but buried and I wasn’t using it.  I love the avatar, too.