3:09pm June 21, 2014

“It may be that Ms. Baggs has had a neurologic disorder from childhood that has made her experience of herself and the world so unusual that she has never had the chance to develop a cohesive personality structure.”

—

one of my shrinks, speaking about me age 15, holy crap WTF (via youneedacat)

I have no idea how people can see stuff like this and believe people who claim you were “never perceived as autistic” or, even more bizarrely, that you were never perceived as unusual at all. Or that saying you were in gifted education is some kind of “smoking gun” proving you aren’t autistic, because geez, we met the highest concentration of non-NT and AC people we’ve ever been around in our life when we were in gifted programs.

-s2

Yeah when people said “people from college say she was normal” my response is always “how would anyone from that college know what normal was in the first place?” Of course people who actually knew me well and are not lying through their teeth do not say I was normal, but there were only a handful of people who even knew me on any close basis and only a handful of those who weren’t bullies with their own agendas.

The above BTW was written by a shrink who knew me before college, and was written the year after college. So it’s not like he was someone who’d never seen me before, or who thought that I’d somehow only become weird after doing drugs, or any of the other stupid rumors. Or he wouldn’t have written that. (His very first writeup of me, from age 13, described me as eccentric and socially isolated, with schizoid features. Schizoid features, in a kid, almost always means autism, period. They don’t say that about neurotypical kids, ever.)

Also I post this stuff just so people realize things like… even when I was being diagnosed and stuff, it’s not like they thought I had some minor little thing that cropped up recently. Nobody thought that. At all. It was always considered to be some kind of major lifelong developmental anomaly, the question was only, what. Most people opted for developmental disorder with psychiatric elements (usually including some kind of autism diagnosis), and one group of people opted for infantile psychosis, which is about as close to saying autism without saying it as you can get as well. But major, developmental, and lifelong, those were constant themes.

(via amorpha-system)

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