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2:44pm June 22, 2014
cryforthefuture asked: I read your post about the time you were shamed by your residential facility staff for the way you showed excitement about the fish at the pet store. I've really been thinking about it these past few days. I work as group home staff for foster youth and while we currently don't have any DD clients, I wouldn't want ANY DD client to feel the way you did because of me. But I wouldn't want the client to put themself at risk by drawing too much attention in public (our group home is in a [cont]

[2/2] neighborhood). So I would want the resident to feel free to express joy in a way that is natural to them but I wouldn’t want to put them at risk. How would you suggest a group home staff go about a situation like that? I understand if this is something you’d rather not answer; I just wanted to ask you because the “developmental disability” training that is available here is ableist and ABA as shit and I value your perspective much more.

I have been putting off answering this because I really don’t even like the idea of the question.  The idea of the question is that somehow expressing joy in a nonstandard way is so dangerous that someone should do something to stop it so that someone won’t be endangered.

When I’m too hot, I wear a sports bra with a shawl over it.  It looks almost as if I’m naked on top with just a shawl, even though I’m not.  Some people would say I’m inviting whatever happens to me, if I wear something like that.  I know that if something happened to me, it could happen no matter what I wear.

DD people tend to look DD.  We don’t stop looking DD when we stop expressing joy in ways that are more exuberant than many people would like.  We are vulnerable because we are DD, not because we are joyful.

As staff, what you can do is protect your clients.  As in, keep people from hurting them.  Not keep your clients from doing things that you think look too weird, but protect your clients.  Protect them by setting up situations so that other people won’t see them as someone to hurt.  Protect them by intervening before anyone gets hurt.  Protect them by intervening as someone is trying to hurt them.  But for the love of everything holy, don’t “protect” them by teaching them not to look happy in public, or that there’s something “inappropriate” about their emotions.  Not only will it make them miserable, it won't work.