4:06pm June 23, 2014

Okay I’m almost crying.

Because in order to talk, I have to have my computer setting down. And a cab pulled up from the cab company I need to go home with. And a guy got out. So I set my computer down inside. And the guy who got out, and the guy who was driving, sort of colluded with each other to start screaming “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” at me like I was a fucking naughty child. Then I started typing for them to understand I’m not trying to get in, I’m just trying to communicate. And then the passenger starts apologizing to the driver for my existence. And then I’m trying to ask him, “Please just ask them about my name, I’m waiting for a ride from your cab company,” and he refused to even ask, he just kept asking, “I’m clear, right? Clear?” And finally he said “I’ll ask but I have to go somewhere.” And then they both sat there apologizing to each other for my fucking existence again.

And there was NO OTHER FUCKING WAY TO DO THIS. Because I am not capable of talking. So I am not capable of telling them “wait for me to get my computer out”. And I had to get the computer out and set it on the seat and set my other stuff down so I could type. And even then they ignored what I had to say.

And if anyone tells me I did this wrong, or tries to suggest better ways to do this, I will flame the fuck out of you because I do not need to be told how to communicate “appropriately” as a nonverbal person in an otherwise-impossible communication situation. All you’ll be doing is adding insult to injury and I really fucking don’t need that right now, I just need to go home. And I need to live in a fucking world where people will fucking understand that I’m not capable of speech and therefore I have to move and do things in ways that verbal people don’t have to do. Which can include looking intrusive or rude because I can’t actually say anything until I’ve typed something, and I can’t very well type something while you’re fucking driving away from me or something. So I have to do what I have to do, and if you don’t understand that, then you don’t know what being nonverbal is like when you are in desperate need to communicate something and the literal physical environment is shutting you out at every turn.

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