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12:39pm June 25, 2014
blueboxesinmaryland asked: As someone who was abused emotionally, physically and verbally for 18 years, it's true. My mother stopped and didn't treat my sister that way. But sadly she never admitted to hurting me that way. I don't know what to make of that. But thank you for writing that.

Abuse can be very weird, that way.

My household was abusive at times growing up.  And there are things that people have admitted to.  There are things people, I don’t think, will ever admit to, even if they’ve changed their ways and stopped.  There are things people have changed.  There are things people have not changed.  And it’s all jumbled together, so that it’s a very weird topic and one that we mostly avoid.  

Unfortunately when I got old enough to talk about some of what was going on, the first impulse was not to fix the problem, but rather to make it seem like I was confused or exaggerating.  And there was a lot of… bending of the truth… that went on, to convince people it was all over and that there was nothing to worry about, meanwhile we were getting into physical altercations on a weekly if not daily basis sometimes.

By now, I’ve accepted how things are.  Which are that people have apologized and admitted to the things they’re ready to apologize and admit to, and that is in itself more than I ever thought I would get out of anyone.  And for the most part, people have changed and stopped doing these things, which to me is the most important part of any of it, whether they admit it or not.  There are things that I don’t think will ever be admitted to, and I’ve accepted that’s just how it’s going to be.

I’m really proud of my father, though.  He went into anger management after I started telling psychiatrists the sort of things that went on in our house.  And he did really well, he learned that he himself had been abused and didn’t know it was abuse.  And then, when I grew up to have a lot of the same anger issues he had, he was instrumental in helping me change those patterns before I hurt anyone worse than I already had.  That sort of change is very hard and very impressive when someone manages it.

There are still things I wish people admitted to, but at this point I’m just glad we have gotten to where we are now.

Notes:
  1. withasmoothroundstone posted this