as small as a world and as large as alone, glowcloud: The weirdest thing is that people...

3:06am June 29, 2014

The weirdest thing is that people talk about “coming out” as if it’s this big momentous thing that only happens once while in actual fact it’s something that you do almost every single day every time you talk to a new person every time you’re in a new situation you’re constantly weighing your options, the ability to be your true self vs the advantages of being a false self and honestly it’s so fucking exhausting

There are times when I feel more like not coming out is being my true self, and coming out would feel like a false self. Not about any particular thing, just about things in general, illness, genderlessness, lesbianism, etc.

Why?

Because when I haven’t come out, the person sometimes just takes me as I am. As a whole person. And then when I do come out, some people are gonna focus in on this one aspect of my life and ignore everything else. And that feels more false, sometimes, than not coming out.

Also I kind of distrust the whole model of ‘coming out’ when it comes to LGBT stuff. It’s become this entire way of looking at your life, to the point where you 'come out to yourself’ at a certain point and that’s the word they use when you finally acknowledge it or notice it about yourself. Like when I realized I was attracted exclusively to women (at the time I hadn’t been knowingly attracted to anyone nonbinary, and didn’t know anything about being nonbinary myself) rather than being bi. That would be “coming out to myself”. And somehow, I want to reject the entire idea that “coming out” is the big part of your life’s story when you’re LGBT, or that you’re incomplete without it, or all these other things that seem to crop up in the LGBT community. I mean the whole concept of “who am I out to?” is useful, but the overarching “coming out story” as the way we talk to each other about being LGBT… meh.

Notes: