as small as a world and as large as alone

9:12pm July 2, 2014

nonbinarydragon:

Is it common in dyslexia or Asperger’s to have “dead zones”? Like, things you can practice a hundred times, but can never retain? 

There’s this one word that starts with a p and is a synonym for “anxious” but I can never remember it for more than five minutes. I’ve learned how to do algebraic substitution and the other thing at least 6 times now and when someone shows me I can do it but I can’t… Retain it?

It’s bizarre, it’s like trying to fill a bucket that has holes in it. It doesn’t stay. :(

Yes, I have tons and tons of them, and I’m autistic and hyperlexic.  (Hyperlexia can have weird things in common with dyslexia, despite the names sounding like opposites.)

For me, some words are “slippery”.  Jane Meyerding taught me that word.  It means my mind slides off of them, I can’t retain a meaning for them no matter how many times I hear it.

And there’s lots of other things like that for me.

There’s also what I call ‘gaps’ or 'voids’, which are like these giant enormous holes in my knowledge, that everyone else has by the age I am in question.  Like being fifteen years old and not knowing things most people are either born knowing or learn by the age of five.  And often, not even knowing that I don’t know what I don’t know.

And in retrospect, it’s like wandering around in this giant fog, where other people have big clear areas, and I just have fog.

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