2:27pm July 5, 2014

catharticcruella-i-feel-like-im-actually

catharticcruella:

I feel like I’m actually really “low-functioning”, but I can talk and act and be a catalyst and have deep (multigenerational!) relationships and be useful to capitalism so that disguises it when put together.

If that makes any sense.

There’s a lot I’m utterly pathetic at……

I am like this too. FWIW. I spend a lot of time running on what would be “emergency reserves” for a nondisabled person. The amount of “stuff” I manage to do on a regular basis is possible largely due to inertia/momentum. I live daily knowing I could drop everything at any time if something goes wrong.

Yeah, you are both people I think of who have large ‘voids’ like I talked about, big areas under the water, with only little areas poking out. And that comes with this sense of being 'lower functioning’ (for lack of a better term) than people might think of you.

I actually mentioned Draggle in this (long-ass) post, as someone I could see those big voids in, easily:

http://youneedacat.tumblr.com/post/90046593410/the-voids-the-sea-floor-well-below-zero

And then this is the shorter poem-version of that post – less detail, but also far more accessible:

http://youneedacat.tumblr.com/post/90047446085/what-can-you-see

At any rate, I easily recognize both of you as looking to other people more competent than you actually are. With Draggle I can often see this shape of things falling apart falling apart falling down climbing up falling down this constant merry-go-round of activity to try to prop up this sense of functioning.

Notes: