4:40pm July 5, 2014

Today I can see myself as beautiful.

And that’s amazing.  Like, all the things I am normally ashamed of, today I can see them as beautiful.  And that is so rare, and so wonderful, it’s like I can see the beauty at the center of the world shining through me, as it shines through everyone.  It’s so easy to see it in someone else, and so hard to see it in myself, sometimes.  But today, for this moment, I am beautiful.  And that means a lot.

I know there’s people who say you don’t have to be beautiful.  That it’s okay to be ugly and be okay with it.  I guess I can say I’m (by many conventional standards) ugly and I’m okay with it, and I’m also beautiful, because there’s no contradiction there.  And to see beauty in a developmentally disabled fat genderless hairy person’s body has a meaning that’s different than seeing the kind of beauty we are conditioned to see.  And that’s important too.

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