6:49pm July 5, 2014

Agender

I am agender.

It took me a lot of time to realize I was agender and I tried to fit as a lot of other genders first.

I have never felt masculine or feminine. So at first I thought I was just a woman - the gender I was assigned - but who felt genderless.

Then I started trying on different gender identities. Maybe I’m gender fluid because I can present many ways. But I never feel male or female or anything. Maybe I’m a man or almost a man - since I don’t feel like a woman - who just doesn’t feel like any gender. Maybe I’m generically genderqueer but feel genderless.

I tried a lot of genders because I wanted to fit into a gender instead of acknowledging I don’t have one. I felt like everyone has a gender identity and so I needed to find mine. It took a lot of conversations with friends to realize agender IS my gender identity. And that it’s okay. Being genderless is as valid as having any gender.

So if you knew me as female or gender fluid or male or whatever else - which I think you all have because this has been quite recent - I’m sorry if I’ve been confusing but I was confused because I was looking for boxes to fit in instead of realizing that not fitting a box was its own thing and was acceptable.

If you would be so kind as to respect my preference for “they/them/their” pronouns I would appreciate it. And if you ever have to refer to my gender for some reason, please refer to me as genderless or agender. Thanks.

Congratulations on figuring it out. It took me a long time to work out that I was genderless, and then I had to almost make up the concept for myself because I’d never heard of it before. (I called myself ‘nongendered’. Then later settled on 'genderless’ because it seemed to flow better, after hearing 'nongendered’ 'agender’ 'genderless’ and 'neutrois’ used by different people.) It can be quite liberating to finally work out, because.. it’s not what you expect. I thought I was a trans man for a long time but that didn’t feel right either, until I worked out that gender was something I was just plain missing.

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