as small as a world and as large as alone

1:56pm July 6, 2014

quixoticcosmos:

youneedacat:

unhappycasper:

Hey, to all my little non-binary cuties out there who are struggling with either how they look, or feel they don’t fit the “set look” of a gender identity, I just wanted to remind you that you do not have to “look non-binary” if you don’t want to. I get a LOT of shit from people because I don’t “look non-binary” Like what the fuck does “look non-binary” even mean? I am a fucking rad agender babe who rocks make-up, long hair, frilly shit, and “looks like a girl” most of the time. Does that make me any less agendered than the cute person who is out there rocking a sweet androgynous look? Fucking no. I feel like there is this pressure on non-binary people to have to constantly look like their gender and that’s not how it works. And it is shitty to deal with because lots of people are pushing you to fit into their personal boxes as to what your gender should look like and if you don’t fit their ideal “you are faking it/lying/doing it for attention”. Your gender and how you look do not have to go hand in hand so don’t ever feel forced to present yourself in a way you don’t want to. 

Also, I always feel like trying to “look genderless” makes no sense.  I mean, any person can choose how to look however they want.  But genderless doesn’t have a look.  There is no look.  There’s sort of an androgynous look some people go for, but that look isn’t any more genderless than any other look.  I have several different aesthetics I like with clothing and the like, and I’ll wear whichever of them I want, and other people may put genders on them but for me it has nothing to do with gender.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently because I’m more comfortable wearing stereotypical feminine clothes at home than anywhere else. In fact, the thought of wearing “feminine” clothes outside of the house is rather scary for me.  I didn’t really think about why though, and the only reasons I can think of is that I’m worried about how other people perceive me. I am perceived as female even though I’m not, so dressing in a way that reinforces that in other people’s perceptions makes me uncomfortable.

Also, wearing stereotypical “feminine” clothes compliments my perceived as feminine, traits.  When I am thought of as a woman, not a “tomboy” or “androgynous,” I am more likely to be treated as a woman.  Harassed, stalked, insulted, leered at.  It exacerbates my anxiety and makes it harder for me to function in public.  I admire women and non-binary folks who can handle that and who can deal with people constantly misgendering them.

Maybe once I’m ready and strong enough to be out about being non-binary things will change for me.  In the meantime, it’s really hard to get this across to my cishet partner, who isn’t technically hetero anymore I guess, lol.  

It’s taken me a long time to become comfortable wearing clothing other people see as feminine.  A long time.  For probably similar reasons.  One of my main aesthetics is “hippie/old lady” (that’s what my friends call it) and that gets me unwanted attention.  By which I don’t mean sexual attention necessarily, I just mean attention that you get when people think you’re a woman.  Of course, I feel just as bad when I wear clothes and hairstyles that get me read as male, so that isn’t a fix, although I tried it for awhile.  And you can’t just do away with gendered ideas of clothing without trampling all over what people with genders are trying to project with their clothing, so it’s all very confusing.

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