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3:45pm July 8, 2014

zoe-abernathy:

I’m really upset and angry because I’m poor. They took away our food stamps bc my mom got a job and they raised the rent on this stupid fucking double-wide trailer.

We barely have anything to eat and my mom yells at me when I walk around the kitchen looking for food for too long.

Yesterday I asked if we could get chocolate milk and my mom said no and (you know when you don’t roll your eyes but people say you rolled your eyes at them?) she said “dont fucking roll your eyes at me if you want that shit get a fucking job”

She KNOWS I tried to kill myself in November, she knows what kind of mental problems I have, she’s the one who has been telling me I need to be on disability for 7 years!!

All I want is to go back to college but I can’t because I owe them money and I can’t pay them back because I AM FUCKING POOR AS SHIT.

(And by the way, how is it that my mom can’t possibly buy food but she can buy TWO packs of cigarettes every day? THAT IS $70 A WEEK.)

And my brother, how much money does he spend on weed when we don’t have anything to fucking eat??

And WHY is my brother’s gf still living here (been here for over a month now) eating what food we do have and YEAH WHY DOESN’T SHE HAVE TO GET A JOB BUT YOUR KID WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER, PANIC DISORDER, AND MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER IS EXPECTED TO???

Add to that, everyone on the outside, society and “friends” and whatever, just thinks I’m LAZY and that’s why I don’t have a job or go to school. Oh ALSO I’M MAKING UP ALL OF MY MENTAL DISORDERS. It’s an excuse to not work because the last thing I want is a normal fucking life


FUCK

I wish that people who tell us that we’re just too lazy to work, had any idea how much we want to work.  I’ve always wanted to work.  I have an intense work ethic that carries through into my life even though I don’t have a job.  It took me a long time, even after I got onto SSI, to deal with the fact that I was incapable of work.  I was always coming up with ways I could apply for a job, even when I couldn’t get out of bed.  But I still always had myself convinced that if I tried hard enough, I could work.  And I badly wanted to work.  I don’t think people who work realize how much it hurts not to be able to work, in a society where all your worth is put on whether you can work or not.  To always hear how you’re a leech who isn’t pulling your own weight.  I mean, that’s not my values, but it’s hard not to internalize what you hear from everyone around you.

Notes:
  1. withasmoothroundstone reblogged this from zoewho11 and added:
    I wish that people who tell us that we’re just too lazy to work, had any idea how much we want to work. I’ve always...
  2. just-to-exist said: I relate to a lot of this. My brothers girlfriend mooches off him too, spends all his money on weed, lives at home, gets treated differently because he was born with physical deformities, and I’m always expected to be “okay” even though I’m not.
  3. zoewho11 posted this