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5:13pm July 8, 2014

lessonsinselfsabotage:

I feel like 50% of my daily spoons are spent on appearances
Primarily appearing non - threatening to white people.

Additionally appearing competent to white people who would consider me otherwise on sight.
Suffering white people’s stares (which is kind of a reversal) but with anxiety having people gawk takes a lot out of you.
Not appearing attractive to males who would feel compelled to harass me on the street if I presented as avaliable in any way.

Smiling at strangers who are unhappy with my face for some reason.

Considering the amount of spoons I want to expend on appearances is around 2%. 4% on a “have something important to do today”

This makes me crazy.

I don’t care to spend 40 some odd percent of my spoonage a day convincing white strangers I am not a threat to them.

Why is this necessary?
Why?

For what?
I’m 5 ’ 6 this should not be my daily errand.