Theme
10:33pm July 9, 2014

We learned this poem in Latin class.

It’s about a guy whose teeth are so white because he brushes them with urine:

Egnatius, because he has snow-white teeth,

smiles all the time. If you’re a defendant

in court, when the counsel draws tears,

he smiles: if you’re in grief at the pyre

of pious sons, the lone lorn mother weeping,

he smiles. Whatever it is, wherever it is,

whatever he’s doing, he smiles: he’s got a disease,

neither polite, I would say, nor charming.

So a reminder to you, from me, good Egnatius.

If you were a Sabine or Tiburtine

or a fat Umbrian, or plump Etruscan,

or dark toothy Lanuvian, or from north of the Po,

and I’ll mention my own Veronese too,

or whoever else clean their teeth religiously,

I’d still not want you to smile all the time:

there’s nothing more foolish than foolishly smiling.

Now you’re Spanish: in the country of Spain

what each man pisses, he’s used to brushing

his teeth and red gums with, every morning,

so the fact that your teeth are so polished

just shows you’re the more full of piss.