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3:42pm July 11, 2014

Okay so here’s the deal.

No matter what I write about, I am not asking you to kill yourself.  Ever.

So, knowing that, please stop writing to me saying things like “I’m not [insert trait or traits here that you rightly or wrongly associate with me after something I’ve written], should I kill myself?”

Especially since there’s often this thinly-veiled hostility behind such asks, that I can’t understand, but I don’t trust it.  I know it’s there, though, because I’ve seen some of the things people have written on their own blogs after writing such asks to me.

So please just don’t do it.

And I’m not going to be responding anymore to asks that basically accuse me of wanting people to die if they’re not just like me.  They’ll get deleted.  And that’s all.

If you’re really suicidal, and not just trying to fuck with my head, then there may or may not be resources for that.  But I’m not such a resource, so coming to me with that won’t help you even if you really become triggered to the point of being suicidal every time you read anything where I dare to actually celebrate some part of my life that’s been devalued since I was a little kid.

And if that is true of you?  Unfollow me and put me on ignore.  Do whatever you need to keep me off your dash. 

But don’t show up in my ask box asking me whether you should live or die because you’re not like some image in your head that you have of who I am.  It’s cruel, and I think at least one of you knows it’s cruel.  (I don’t actually know if there’s only one person doing this, or more, because there was one person who did this off anon, and another person who did it on anon.)

At any rate, I’m not putting up with this anymore.  I have a right to celebrate traits that I’ve been treated like shit for my entire life.  I have a right to reclaim my own pride in perfectly good traits that I’ve been taught are horrible or stupid or pointless.  Whether that’s being a Hufflepuff, whether that’s being highly ‘sensing’, whatever it is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing these things as a good thing within myself and others like me.  And seeing this as a good thing in those who has it, in no way diminishes those who don’t, because those who don’t have other traits that are equally as important.

So just stop.

Please.

If you’re suicidal, there are people who can help.  Not always within the psych system, either.  If you don’t want to go through the psych system, then seek out other people who have been suicidal and learn how they got through it.  But be respectful of their boundaries, in exactly the way that you have not been respectful of mine.

Because there is nothing, nothing at all, respectful in coming up to someone and saying “I’m not just like you, do you want me to die?”

I didn’t think I’d actually get more than one response like that.  But since I have.  I have to say.  Just don’t.  I’m dealing with my father dying right now.  I don’t need passive-aggressive anon hate in my askbox, especially not passive-aggressive anon hate that is always timed right after I’ve decided to celebrate something good about my life.  I’ve tried to be nice.  But I.  Can’t.  Handle.  This.  Please have some respect.

(And yes, I’m calling this anon hate even though it hasn’t always been anon and even though it’s not always blatant hate.  Because there is hostility oozing off the edges of the words, and because the one time I followed it back to someone’s blog I found plenty of far more blatant hostility aimed directly at me.)

If you need help, ask it from someone capable of giving it.  And don't ever ask someone you barely know, if you should kill yourself for not being like them – even though the answer of any decent person is “of course not”, you’re putting a terrible burden on someone and it’s cruel.  Again, have some respect.