as small as a world and as large as alone, queersecrets: [Image: Rainbow script text on a...

3:05pm July 12, 2014

queersecrets:

[Image: Rainbow script text on a black background.
“I was twelve the first time I had feelings for a girl. I was confused because I was homeschooled and had yet to encounter anything related to homosexuality. My mother had been the end-all source of wisdom in my life up to that point, so I asked her about it. She told me that all teenage girls go through a phase of thinking they’re lesbian because it’s "cool”, and she knew I’d grow out of it. I walked away resolving not to be like “all teenage girls.”
Sixteen years of an inexplicable and total dislike for sexual intercourse, four different (false) psychological disorder diagnoses, eight semi-permanent hetero relationships, untold numbers of one night stands with men, a baby (which I kept), and two random (but treasured) sexual encounters with women later, I finally KNOW she was wrong.
I know what I want, but I know next to nothing about the LGBTQ community, and I am shy, anxious, and scared of attempting to find out. I don’t even know where to begin.
I have never felt so helpless and so sure of myself at the same time.
Please tell me there is hope.”]

There is hope.
Even if you never connect with the LGBTQ community. You don’t have to.
I don’t really have ties to the queer community even though I have at least two reasons (gender, sexuality) to have ties to it.
I was told that because I have a developmental disability, my lesbianism was a sign of a developmental delay – that I was “stuck” in that “lesbian phase”. They were wrong.
I am out about being genderless. I’m out about being a lesbian (it’s the closest word there is for what I am, they don’t have words for what I am, and I refuse to wait until someone figures out a word for what I am). I don’t tell everyone, but it’s pretty easy for anyone to find if they look me up on the Internet.
I’m not in a relationship.
I don’t see a relationship in my future necessarily.
But I am comfortable with who I am, and that’s what’s important. It’s more important than fitting in with the LGBTQ community. It’s more important than having a relationship. It’s being comfortable with who you are, that will get you through everything else.
And I had to learn to be comfortable with who I was. It didn’t just come easy. But it did happen, eventually. At this point I’m proud of who I am. Not proud the way you’re proud of an accomplishment. But proud the way you are when you say “There’s nothing wrong with being who I am, even though a lot of my society says otherwise.”
The closer you get to that place where you’re comfortable with who you are, the closer you are to hope. And the more you have hope, the closer you get to being comfortable with who you are. If you fit in with the LGBTQ community that’s great, if you have a relationship that’s great, but the most important thing is to be comfortable with who you are.

[Image: Rainbow script text on a black background.

“I was twelve the first time I had feelings for a girl. I was confused because I was homeschooled and had yet to encounter anything related to homosexuality. My mother had been the end-all source of wisdom in my life up to that point, so I asked her about it. She told me that all teenage girls go through a phase of thinking they’re lesbian because it’s "cool”, and she knew I’d grow out of it. I walked away resolving not to be like “all teenage girls.”

Sixteen years of an inexplicable and total dislike for sexual intercourse, four different (false) psychological disorder diagnoses, eight semi-permanent hetero relationships, untold numbers of one night stands with men, a baby (which I kept), and two random (but treasured) sexual encounters with women later, I finally KNOW she was wrong.

I know what I want, but I know next to nothing about the LGBTQ community, and I am shy, anxious, and scared of attempting to find out. I don’t even know where to begin.

I have never felt so helpless and so sure of myself at the same time.

Please tell me there is hope.”]

There is hope.

Even if you never connect with the LGBTQ community. You don’t have to.

I don’t really have ties to the queer community even though I have at least two reasons (gender, sexuality) to have ties to it.

I was told that because I have a developmental disability, my lesbianism was a sign of a developmental delay – that I was “stuck” in that “lesbian phase”. They were wrong.

I am out about being genderless. I’m out about being a lesbian (it’s the closest word there is for what I am, they don’t have words for what I am, and I refuse to wait until someone figures out a word for what I am). I don’t tell everyone, but it’s pretty easy for anyone to find if they look me up on the Internet.

I’m not in a relationship.

I don’t see a relationship in my future necessarily.

But I am comfortable with who I am, and that’s what’s important. It’s more important than fitting in with the LGBTQ community. It’s more important than having a relationship. It’s being comfortable with who you are, that will get you through everything else.

And I had to learn to be comfortable with who I was. It didn’t just come easy. But it did happen, eventually. At this point I’m proud of who I am. Not proud the way you’re proud of an accomplishment. But proud the way you are when you say “There’s nothing wrong with being who I am, even though a lot of my society says otherwise.”

The closer you get to that place where you’re comfortable with who you are, the closer you are to hope. And the more you have hope, the closer you get to being comfortable with who you are. If you fit in with the LGBTQ community that’s great, if you have a relationship that’s great, but the most important thing is to be comfortable with who you are.

Notes: