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10:09pm July 24, 2014

Remind myself.

Most people I meet online are not assholes.  Assholes just like to wave their asses around and fart to stink up the area as much as they can.  That’s what assholes do.  But most people are not assholes.  And most people I have regular interaction with are amazing in so many ways that I only wish that my brain had the capacity for a large enough number of closer friendships that I could get to know them better without the threat always there of my brain forgetting them.  Anyway point being most people I interact with are nice, the assholes are a minority, and the problem is with the assholes, not me, not my friends.  I’m okay, they’re mean.  And they are mean.  

It’s mean to go “[keyboardmash] see I’m all sensory and shit [keyboardsmash] if you don’t understand my personal language you’re ableist [keyboardsmash] see that was communication it’s all communication [keyboardsmash] look at me I’m such an artist/musician that the normal world can’t understand me [keyboardsmash]”  Which is what someone just did in response to “In My Language”.  And it hurt more than it should hurt, because I’ve been vulnerable today in a way I’m not normally vulnerable.  

And I’m posting about it not to give the asshole screentime, but to explain what hurt me and why, to people who understand how deeply that kind of thing can cut at the wrong moment.  I made that video for Ashley X, a girl who was viciously violated in horrible ways due to some of the worst medical ableism, which was justified in online discussions in part because she “had no language”, so I made that video to explain that everyone has a language even if they’re a linguistic minority of one.  And this person is stomping all over that, mocking something deeply important to me and to lots of other disabled people.  But, I’m okay, they’re mean.  And most people are not cruel enough to do that to me or to anyone else.  

*sigh*