10:43pm July 24, 2014

debunking an abuser myth

PROVIDING FOOD AND SHELTER IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR ABUSE.

Just because someone gives you food and housing and any other manner of gift or possession does not give them the right to abuse you emotionally, mentally, or physically.

Often time abusers will use this as an excuse.

IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE. EVER.

Highlighting previous poster’s tags:

#forced dependency is a PART of abuse #giving people things they need to survive so they can’t leave

I’ve found that doubly so in disability situations and caregiver abuse, it can get horrible. And some of the most manipulative caregiver-abuse I’ve ever experienced has involved them making themselves invaluable in one area to try to make me not fire them. In both of the worst cases, they were excellent cooks and able to get me food for very little money, and make amazing meals out of it.

One of them went too far when he tried to convince me that he could help me commit Medicaid fraud in order to get a med I was prescribed but couldn’t get. I reported him, instead of being grateful to him for “helping” me again. It turned out he’d been doing similar things to lots of other disabled people.

One thing he also did – so did the other one like him – they would badmouth other staff and talk about how they were better than all the other staff. They would make mistakes and blame them on other staff. And they would make themselves sound better, while making other staff sound totally incompetent.

Which isn’t always a sign of abuse (I have had one staff person who is just arrogant enough she thinks she’s always doing a better job than others, that’s just her personality type, I worked around it, she was good). But it should always be a red flag.

Notes: