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3:43pm July 29, 2014
Anonymous asked: hey!! silly random curiosity question..would you date/be in a relationship with someone NT? you dont have to answer if you don't feel comfortable!! :)

chaosphaere:

madeofpatterns:

youneedacat:

madeofpatterns:

withasmoothroundstone:

Yes, I probably would.  I don’t think I’d rule anyone out by neurotype.

People think that sharing a neurotype causes understanding and consideration. It doesn’t. It can contribute to mutual understand and mutual respect, but it’s neither necessary nor sufficient.

CNN once asked me if I’d live on an island that was all autistic people.  The idea sounded dreadful to me and I told them so.  Not that I’ve got anything against autistic people, but it just sounds horrible.

Yes. Particularly since the more of us you get in one place, the more competing access needs there are.

We are not from the wrong planet. We’re disabled. And that’s ok.

Both of my LTRs were with people who had neurodivergences (my ex husband who had my exact same traits, my ex partner who had Aspergers). Yes, there were issues of competing needs. It was hard for both parties to get their needs met in the same relationship. I suspect it was as much due to personalities as neurotypes. With my ex-husband, the problem was that he wanted his issues to run the relationship and dictate my life as well, whereas I had the same issues and wanted to be rid of the issues (I entered therapy and got medication). We lasted all of a year. Finally though, a relationship isn’t just “finding the right person”, it’s actively creating a relationship between two people.

Yeah both of my relationships were with neurodivergent people as well.  Not the same neurodiverigences I had (even if it sometimes could have had the same names, it still wasn’t the same variety of that same thing, if that makes any sense), but definitely neurodivergences.  But I don’t think being neurodivergent is necessary to be my partner, it just ended up that way the only two times I got into a relationship.  

I think it’s more likely that I’d end up with someone neurodivergent just because totally nondisabled people aren’t usually in my life in general, for some reason.  But I’d never rule someone out for being NT, I just don’t find it as likely that an NT would end up exposed to me long enough to form that kind of relationship.  I don’t know why all my friends are disabled, but they are.  Maybe because there’s certain things they understand and tolerate about me that nondisabled people would have a harder time with, I don’t know.  It’s not that I engineered things this way.  But I also don’t think being disabled necessarily means I’ll get along with someone better, it’s more like being nondisabled means it’s more likely someone will be too ableist to put up with certain things about being my friend.  (Especially the part where I forget about even my closest friends’ existence for months at a time.  It takes a lot of understanding to not take that personally.  And I’m sure there’s nondisabled people who could learn not to take it personally, but I think they’d have a harder time with that.)

So I think it’s more likely that I’d end up with a neurodivergent person, but not because I’d in any way object to an NT.  Just because all my friends tend to be neurodivergent in some way, for whatever reason.  As I said, I didn’t plan it like this, it just happened.  I do think I find it easier to get along with certain kinds of neurodivergent people, than I get along with most NTs, and that may explain the way my friendships have ended up.  But there’s other kinds of neurodivergent people I tend to find harder to get along with than I do most NTs.  So…yeah.