4:46pm July 31, 2014

Marginalized people are not revolution objects

alexa-thymia:

realsocialskills:

So, here’s a thing I’ve seen happen:

People get really into social justice theory

and then they read a lot from people who all agree with each other

and then they assume that everyone in that group agrees

and then, when they encounter someone in that group who doesn’t think that thing, they don’t know how to deal with them

or they’re rude and condescending

For instance:

Someone who reads a lot of disability theory is excited about the idea of acceptance

And, in particular, the reasons that mobility equipment is liberating and wonderful

And they encounter someone who is enduring considerable pain rather than use a wheelchair

And then they talk at them about how they just need to accept themself already, without listening to where they’re actually coming from

That is not respectful. It can sometimes be ok to express an opinion or offer advice (emphasis on offer; people can say no to hearing your advice), but it’s not ok to try and run someone else’s life, or to take control of their self image, or related stuff

Respecting someone has to start with respecting them as people who think for themselves, not trying to make them do what you think self-respecting people do

keep in mind that:

No matter how much you’ve read, you’ve never been the person you’re talking to

That goes double if you’re not a member of their group, but it applies even if you are

Having read a lot of social justice theory, or even being part of that group and having found that it described your experience, does *not* mean that you know better than someone else how they should be living their life

Don’t try to take people over, and don’t talk down to them

The last thing marginalized people need is yet another person trying to run over them for their own good. They get that enough already

People are complicated, and you are never the expert on someone else’s life. Reading social justice theory, and even being really insightful about what’s wrong with our culture, does not make you an expert on someone else’s life. Their life is for them to live and make decisions about. Marginalized people are not revolution objects.

alexa-thymia said:

My dad struggles a lot just to use a cane, to the point of it being seriously risky/dangerous. He’s mentioned before that if he makes the move to increasingly assistive equipment (wheelchair/scooter/etc) then he won’t be able to go back. There are a lot of privileges that he’d be giving up permanently the moment he stops using the cane, and he recognizes that the way he lives will dramatically change when he can’t use his legs anymore, so he fights despite the risks.

Everybody has reasons for the choices they make, and it’s massively disrespectful to confront someone you haven’t taken the time to understand and say that you know what’s best for them.

realsocialskills said:

Definitely. Further:

Choices about mobility and assistive technology are deeply personal. Discussing someone else’s choices is an emotionally intimate act, and it requires consent. No matter how respectful you think you’re being, it’s not ok to push someone into an emotionally intimate conversation without their consent.

I had a really bizarre conversation with a woman a few months ago, right as I was starting to get treatment for my adrenal insufficiency.

I’m not sure if she herself was disabled, but she had a lot of contact with the disability community through a previous significant other. And she knew all this disability theory and disability politics and all that stuff.

So I talked about being able to walk with a cane instead of using a wheelchair, and other things I was suddenly able to do.

And she asked me something like “But how does this fit in with disability acceptance about being in a wheelchair?”

And I was like “WTF, that’s theory, this is reality, and reality is that I was going to die and now I’m not going to die, and reality is that it’s easier to walk than use a wheelchair if you can help it, and I’m not going to apologize for that.”

I couldn’t even explain how wrong and out-of-place that kind of question was.

Notes: