Theme
8:40pm August 3, 2014

lichgem:

One of the bottom lines for letting an abuser back into your life is that either they acknowledge what they’ve done and take responsibility for it, or they’ve significantly changed how they treat you

He hasn’t done either of those things.

Yes yes yes.

Don’t let anyone pressure you into letting someone into your life before you and they are ready.

If they think they have to pressure you, they’re not ready.

If they understand that all the decision is yours.  That by letting them back into your life, you are giving them a gift.  A gift that you can take away at any time.  But a real, actual gift.  A gift that they do not deserve in the slightest.  But that, if you choose, you may decide to give them.  You and you alone.  And you can take it away.  And if they don’t understand all that, then they don’t deserve the gift you’re offering.

I’m saying this from experience with a family member who molested me.  He knows that even the fact that I have not forced him onto a sex offender registry is a gift I have given him, let alone allowing him any place in my life socially.  He truly understands this.  Because he understands the magnitude fo what he has done to me.  And he understands that all of this is my decision and mine alone.    And he shows me the respect due anyone in my position after what he has done to my life.  And he understands the damage he has done.  And he has changed.

And all of those things, I would say, are prerequisites to even thinking about letting someone like that back into your life.  (Leaving out messed up situations where you need them in your life and have to put up with the abuse continuing, which sucks completely but does happen.)  And still the decision is ultimately yours.  Even if he does everything right, the decision is still yours, it’s still about your comfort level.  There is nothing he can do to force the issue, you can and should have all the power in an ideal situation here.  And remember you have it, and use it well.