as small as a world and as large as alone

10:34pm August 7, 2014

lichgem:

madeofpatterns:

lichgem:

madeofpatterns:

lichgem:

It’s annoying when people direct messages like ‘you shouldn’t need a relationship to validate your existence’ toward girls when talking about fairy tales

I mean, not in the way that you’re reminding girls they’re okay as they are, on their own. Which is good to do. But in that preachy way with the subtext being ‘don’t be needy, and your romantic interests are gross.’

Especially when fairy tales as they exist today were edited and filtered through men. Female characters in fairy tales specifically depowered, on purpose, by men. But once again misogyny gets blamed on girls for being too stupid to know any better than to oppress themselves. *eyeroll*

Particularly when this is your response to girls who are upset because they are sexually marginalized and seen as gross for having sexual attractions to anyone.

Like, disabled girls. Especially if they have genetic or presumed to be genetic conditions.

Or trans girls. 

Or girls who do boy things and stay unfeminine past the stage of childhood during which being a tomboy is seen as vaguely acceptable.

Or girls of color who never see girls who look like them being the princess. 

That’s… this stuff is complicated. 

And yeah, you don’t need a relationship to be complete, but getting the message that you’re unworthy of romance love or sexuality because of who you are is *awful*. And “you don’t need a man!” is not an answer to that.

Yes, exactly.

And if you are lonely, it makes you feel ashamed of being lonely, like that’s a personal failing and you need to do better than that. If you really value romantic relationships, being told that you don’t respect yourself.

It’s all-around bad stuff.

And you know what? Being close to people who value you *is* validating. And that’s ok.

It’s really easy for people who aren’t isolated like that to say just respect yourself and not care what anyone else thinks, you know?

Yeah, exactly.

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