10:38am August 8, 2014

“

I don’t care that you got into drugs for three months straight, or how much sleep you lost in that period. I don’t care that you went home and fucked that person and woke up at 6am hating everything about yourself, or that you smoked so much you sounded as though your lungs were giving out.

You’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.

You’re just human, and being human means you need to survive and you do so whichever way you deem fit, fuck everyone else.

”

HE. (via flvssison4cid)

so relevant right now..

(via heroinalias)

I feel most of the time like my sadness is six feet under and has spent the last decade and a half decomposing.  All that’s left is anger.  Sometimes my survival ends up meaning I erupt it out in ways that we’ve tried to generally put rules down against, in system.  I really hate that about myself.

This is what you get from trying to understand yourself through a community which insists all plural systems can either be natural or trauma-split but doesn’t make very much allowance for realities in between, when you’re a probably trauma-split person in a natural system.  And you need to deal with that shit, but therapy left me in an infinitely worse state than I started it in and I just don’t know what to do now.  I’m tired of meds.  I’m tired of self-help anything.  I’m trying to just let things flow, but it seems like all that comes out is anger.  And the person it’s hardest for me to forgive is myself.

-H.

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