8:20pm August 8, 2014

Things to luxuriate in.

Cleaning my own feeding tube.  Holy crap they were messing it up so bad it feels wonderful to be in total control of it again.  And I am, and my feeding tube is beautifully clean by now.  I did amazing things to it because I know my feeding tube, it’s part of me, and it listens to me.

My cat.  Who is angry, but still snuggly.

Having my own bipap mask that doesn’t have headache-inducing forehead knobbles.

Going to the bathroom without having to ask people to wipe my ass.

Lying in bed under my own hand-crocheted blankets.

Lying in my own bed, which knows me well, and likes me.

Being totally alone except for the cat and all my familiar objects.

And still… I feel half-real, half-here, and dazed.  I can feel that there have been some cognitive effects of the meningitis that I wasn’t aware of.  It’s harder to see cognitive problems in an unfamiliar environment, but at home they’re becoming obvious.  Subtle, but obvious.  And I’m bone-tired.

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